


Demon takes exorcist

by livia_bj



Category: Constantine: The Hellblazer (Comics), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Hellblazer, Hellblazer & Related Fandoms
Genre: #demon and exorcist having sex, #knowing each other, #pub talk, Also fluff, But not explicit, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:08:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26083186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livia_bj/pseuds/livia_bj
Summary: Like in a joke, John Constantine (exorcist, demoniologist, master of the dark arts) enters a pub and finds this (very attractive) demon Crowley. Can't he just have a drink in peace??Like in a joke, the demon Crowley is just chilling in the pub when this (very attactive) disaster of human being sits next to him and takes his curiosity over.
Relationships: John Constantine/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	Demon takes exorcist

**Author's Note:**

> \- English is not my first language, so I beg you to be nice and understanding with my mistakes. There is no beta here. But I tried my best.  
> \- I swear I wanted to write real porn between those two. But then I had to problems: writing porn in English is never easy, and more importantly... once they started to interact, it became pretty clear that things were not gonna be the way that I, the author, wanted them to be. Things were gonna be the way THEY wanted them to be.  
> \- There are one or two references to Hellblazer but there is no need to read the comic.  
> \- This is John Constantine in the perfect and amazing personification of Matt Ryan. So yes, he has brown eyes.   
> No, I know John has blue eyes in the comic.
> 
> I think that's all...
> 
> Here we go. I'm still wondering why I'm publishing this...  
> Okay, stop thinking. Just press the button...

John Constantine was exhausted. It’s not that the exorcism that he just performed was a difficult one. Rather the opposite. For once everything went as it was supposed to go; another nasty demon sent back to hell, another satisfied client - not that he had many, though. At least not satisfied in that sense -, less collateral damage than usual and some cash in his pocket.

He was very tired, though. Tired and hungry. Tired, hungry and horny. And there was only one place where he could find a solution to all his problems. After all, who would spend money on food when it can be spent on booze. And sharing a drink with a stranger would possibly lead to solve the third element in the equation.

He pushed the pub’s door and made his way to the counter without paying attention to anything other than the heat warming his face and hands. He had to admit that was nice. Slouching over the counter, he asked for a pint and started to relax little by little. For the first time he took his time to look around. There was this guy dressed up all in black in the seat next to him and…

“Oh! Bollocks!”

He resisted the urge of facepalming.

“Can’t you guys just leave me alone for a while? I mean. I just dealt with one of you and now I can’t even have a drink without having you coming for more? Is it something I have done? I mean, it’s obviously something I have done, but C’mon….”

The utter shocked face of the demon made him stop babbling.

“What?” The demon asked, visibly confused.

“What?” Constantine asked back.

“I think you mistake me for some other person.”

“Person? Like if I could mistake a nasty demon for a person. Please, I’m not a beginner.” Snorted John before taking a long sip of beer. “So, what do you want from me?”

The demon was clearly nervous. He made a strangled noise and moved like if he were about to leave, but then he just didn’t. During the next minute he gave the impression of having half of his body wanting to escape and the other half wanting to stay. He also opened and closed his mouth for a few times like if trying to speak. Eventually that is what he did.

“How do you know?” he said lowering his voice.

“How do I know what?” Asked John still focused on his drink.

“That I am a… demon.” He whispered.

Now John turned again to him and smirked.

“It’s pretty obvious, mate. Told you I’m not a beginner.”

“Yes. But, how? You can’t see my eyes and I don’t have a tail, nor an ugly amphibian laying eggs on my head or… Is it the hair? No. Never the hair. I had this vessel for 6000 years and never had this problem before…”

Constantine just let him rant and took his time to take a good look at him for the first time. He took notice of how attractive the demon was. Flame red hair half loose half tied up in a bun, slender body wrapped up in tight black clothes, attractive features, he mentioned something about his eyes, but those John could not see because of the sunglasses he was wearing. And he was genuinely confused and surprised by what John just did. This demon was interesting.

 _Remarkably interesting_.

“Take it easy, squire. It’s just something that… you have around you, rather than something that you have in you. Your smell, maybe. I just don’t know. Sometimes I can sense it. Sometimes I can see it. But see? No one else notices it. So, if you are not here to annoy the hell out of me…”

“I’m not.”

“Then I’ll carry on with my own business.”

And he asked for another beer.

The demon kept looking at him, not moving. Suddenly he smiled.

“I’m Crowley.”

John barked a laugh.

“Reckless, giving out your name like that.”

The demon named Crowley just shrugged and John kept talking.

“Now that I have your name, I have power over you. I can own you. I can destroy you. I can send you back to hell where you can…”

“Oh no. I’m not _that_ kind of demon.”

“The _what_ kind of demon?”

“I don’t torture people or anything. Or at least not in the way you seem to believe.”

John frowned. This time he was perplexed.

“So, what do you do?”

“Well, “Crowley sat tall, “I created the M25. And the easy open packaging that is never easy.”

This time Constantine busted out laughing. He laughed like he had not done in ages. The demon waited, unsure if that was a good or a mean laugh.

“You’re pure evil, mate.” Stated John once he got his breath back. And he really meant it. He hated easy open packaging.

Crowley smiled proudly.

“I’m glad I met you.”

Now the demon frowned.

“Well, who are you anyway? It’s just fair that you tell me.”

The Englishman gave him a card that the demon took and read carefully.

“John Constantine. Exorcist. Demoniologist. Master of the Dark Arts.”

Crowley lifted an eyebrow. That was interesting.

 _Remarkably interesting_.

………………………………………………………

Crowley was nursing a drink he really didn’t like when this scruffy human dropped himself in the seat next to him. He looked sideways at him. This man smelled different. Beyond the smoke and the normal human smell, this one had something different on him. He kept looking discreetly while he ordered a beer and took a few sips before abruptly turning around towards him.

“Oh! Bollocks! Can’t you guys just leave me alone for a while? I mean. I just dealt with one of you and now I can’t even have a drink without having you coming for more? Is it something I have done? I mean, it’s obviously something I have done but c’mon….”

Crowley almost jumped up when the man started to talk to him like if he knew him, but he soon realized that it was just a mistake. Oh, the poor soul thought he knew him. Humans made mistakes like that all the time. They see a nose and two eyes and boom, I swear you’re just like my cousin Jimmy! -no matter that the cousin Jimmy in question is way smaller than you, and bald. –

“I think you mistake me for some other person.”

“Person? Like if I could mistake a nasty demon for a person. I’m not a beginner.” Snorted the man before taking a long sip of beer. “So, what do you want from me?”

Oh, oh.

Demon? Did he just say demon??

Time to leave then.

It was also true, however, that the man seemed to be quite calm for someone who just accused him of being a demon. Maybe he misheard him. He didn’t have a reason to leave. He should just ask him to clarify his words. He was pretty sure, though, that he had said the word demon out loud. Eventually his everlasting curiosity won.

“How do you know?”

Oh, dear Satan. If Aziraphale would know that he was having a conversation about his true nature with a random human… But nope. He did not want to think of Aziraphale no more. That’s why he was in that lousy pub in the first place. To forget about his angel. No! Not his! That angel.

In fact, now that he was really paying attention to him… the strange blond man was a very attractive one. There was something about him. Through his demonic eyes Crowley could see tiny fragments of the world revolving around him, drawn to him in a way that…

“…. Your smell, maybe. I just don’t know.” The man was saying now.

Crowley tried not to snort. That guy was not someone to talk about the way others smell. Not really.

“…. Sometimes I can sense it. Sometimes I can see it. But see? No one else notices it. So…”

Oh! A magician!

Of course. Silly of him not having noticed the spark, the colour of magic, in him before. That was the special thing about him. He smiled.

“I’m Crowley.”

The man still tried to scare him or something, with stories about owning his name now and what he could do with it. But Crowley was not worried anymore. He had no reasons to fear a magician. They took care of another kind of demons. Evil demons. Well, he was of course evil but…

“You’re pure evil, mate.”

YES!! Exactly! Thank you very much, mister whoever!

And talking about that. It was time for the blond man to reveal himself.

“Well, who are you anyway? It’s just fair that you tell me.”

Crowley took the card that he handed him over and read it carefully.

“John Constantine. Exorcist. Demoniologist. Master of the Dark Arts.”

That was interesting.

 _Remarkably interesting_.

………………………………………

Three hours later they were still drinking and talking in that pub. They had only moved from the counter to a more secluded corner where they could talk about demons and hell without drawing attention. Still, they agreed code words were required so they were now referring to demons as _sheep_ and to hell as _beauty parlour_.

“And then there was this ugly drooling sheep, all sharp teeth and everything talking for hours about how all the other sheep in the beauty parlour are after my soul. It was so damned boring that I just fell asleep. Right there.”

“Yeah. I know how annoying sheep in that beauty parlour can be. I have been there for 6000 years. I mean months! I mean days! Hours!” Crowley looked around and then finished his drink. “Meeh…. Whatever, no one is listening. Fancy another drink?”

John just bit his lower lip.

He was a really bad drinker and he knew it. It annoyed the hell out of him and was always trying - and failing - to prove others wrong. But he knew it. And he didn’t want to end up rolling on the floor and losing the opportunity to get to know… more of Crowley.

“Can’t you get drunk?”

“Oh, no. I positively can. But then I can also get sober within seconds.” Crowley slid closer to the mage and smiled. “Why? Are you trying to get me drunk?”

John also came even closer.

“Let me see your eyes.”

He was not asking for it and Crowley was taken aback. A million thoughts crossed his mind. He never let others see his eyes, not even other demons. He just didn’t like it. More specifically others didn’t like it, he learnt that lesson the hard way. Only Aziraphale had that privilege. Only Aziraphale made him feel safe enough, cared enough, good enough as to free his eyes from their dark prison. Also, humans were not biologically prepared to see his eyes and not to be shocked and scared.

But then again John Constantine was not an ordinary man. From what he had learnt in the last three hours, he had seen far worse than reptile eyes. And to be honest, he wanted to do it. He wanted to let John know more of him. And he wanted to get to know more of John.

He nodded slightly and John went to take his sunglasses off, but Crowley stopped him by grabbing his wrists. That was too much intimacy. John frowned, but the demon just laid his hands down and proceeded to remove the glasses himself. Then he still needed a second before lifting up his eyes.

John not only did not look scared, but quite the opposite. He was enthralled. Hardly blinking. Breathing low and steady.

“Beautiful.” He finally muttered.

Crowley stared at him, still unsure. But the man really seemed to be captivated right now, the admiration reflected in his face was not fake. Then, like in slow motion, John raised his hands again and took his face. They leant toward each other and one of John’s hand was now tangled in his hair. Crowley could feel the heat of the magic irradiating from John and, dear Satan, he was so attractive, and dangerous, but also so open and honest at the same time. Crowley wanted to kiss John. And he wanted to be kissed by John.

And then their lips were moving together, and they didn’t know who started, and it was perfect, and somehow Crowley kept his eyes open ‘cause he knew that John would like that, and he also wanted to see John’s dark eyes anyway. Only that then John bit his lower lip and Crowley growled, and the kiss deepened, and then they both were panting, eyes closed, tangled tongues, lost in each other.

The sound of a glass breaking on the floor brought them back to the world and Crowley jumped back. He quickly put his sunglasses back on.

“Sorry.” John said, breathing hard.

“It’s fine.” Crowley said also panting, because he felt so much like a human that he often forgot to stop his body from acting like one of them.

“Give us a second, will ya?”

Without waiting for an answer John grabbed his coat, stood up and crossed the pub with a determined stride.

Crowley watched him go wondering what to do next. He looked down. That kiss had had some effect on him. He could just make it go away, but he enjoyed having sex. That was not a secret nor brand new information. Well, it’s not like if he was doing it like a bunny. In fact, catching his breath wasn’t that easy, so when someone got to do it, he knew the sex would really worth it. And for Someones’ sake, John Constantine definitely was somebody to worth it.

While it was true that he had first entered in that pub with the idea of drowning in alcohol his forbidden love for Aziraphale, after 6000 years he was way over any guilty thought he could still have for bedding others when he was in love with the angel. Like humans often said…. When live gives you lemons… eat them, or plant a lemon tree, or slice them to use them for puffy eyes -no, that was cucumber-. Well, anyway. When live gives you lemons, don’t waste them.

His decision was made.

John was outside smoking nervously. Had he miscalculated the situation? He was really into Crowley, and he had the impression that the demon was into him too. When they moved to the semi-private corner, he had already anticipated his movements for the chase, he was sure he knew how to play Crowley.

But then, somehow, they kept talking, and drinking, and laughing, and John’s interest had turned from pure physical attraction to real interest. And then he let him see those amazing golden eyes and… he had lost it.

He knew he couldn’t let the opportunity pass. He had to fuck Crowley or he would regret it for the rest of his life. It was just that he hadn’t anticipated how that kiss would make him feel.

He could fall for Crowley. He could fall hard for Crowley.

“Hey.” John jumped on his feet.

The demon was next to him; tall, and dark, and sexy, dishevelled red hair falling down from his half bun, where John had buried his hand when they kissed.

John gulped at the sight.

And this time it was Crowley who grabbed him by the laps of his trench coat, pushed him into he wall and kissed him fiercely.

…………………………….

Crowley’s fingers were cold, running through John’s hot body. It was delicious. The demon was studying him; his skin, his scars, his tattoos… and all John could do was melting like a schoolboy.

John was full of magic and power. Crowley could smell it in the air and taste it in his skin. He was arrogant and always had to have the last word. On the way back to John’s place they had kissed until their lips burnt, demanding of each other more and more. But the moment they got into the bedroom, John had turned pliant and malleable and even more amazing.

“Crowley.”

“Yes?”

“Hurt me.”

“You want me to?”

“Yes.”

Crowley thought little about it. He didn’t have any problem with what John was asking from him. He forced him to spread his legs and scratched his nails along his abdomen and the sensitive inner part of his thighs.

Crowley didn’t take it easy; breaking his skin from the beginning, leaving red bloody traces. John hissed and arched his back, clearly enjoying it. Crowley leaned down and licked the red scratches. He raised an eyebrow and held himself up to look at John’s face.

“Your blood tastes weird.”

“What?” John came back to the present moment and raised his head to look at him. “Oh, yes, right. It must be the taste of Nergal’s blood.”

“Who?” “Nergal. A fellow demon of yours.”

“You got demon blood?”

John rolled his eyes and let his head fall back again.

“Yes, yes. Big surprise.” He said impatiently. “Can we carry on with the sex now?”

Crowley shook his head in a funny disbelief. How could that man be even real?

John felt the demon’s nails resuming the delightfully painful exploration of his body, and soon his more than talented tongue was doing things to him that made his brain and body burnt with fire. And that was only the foreplay. That tongue, Oh! That tongue….

“How?...” He tried to articulate a question.

“I used to be a serpent.” Crowley said, reading his mind.

“Really?” John bit his hand to stop himself from start yelling already. _That_ was the best day ever!

“Really.”

“Oh, that’s why…. Your tattoo.”

“Yes, yes. Can we carry on with the sex now?”

And with that, Crowley rolled John over his stomach and forced him on all fours. John smiled, lost in the moment, and prepared to let body to be used in any way the demon wanted.

……………………………

Crowley laid on his stomach, holding himself up on his forearms, wild red hair framing his face, golden eyes observing John while he lit up another cigarette.

“So, you did fuck a demon before.” They had not talked about it, but Crowley though it was rather obvious.

John exhaled the smoke.

“A few times.”

“Is it exciting?”

“Yup.”

“Why?”

John frowned. He never had a pillow talk with a demon before.

“Don’t know. It…” The magician gave it a thought. He didn’t want to reveal too much of himself. What the hell. He didn’t want to think of his own emotions more than once a year. Talking to Crowley was easy though. “It’s like magic. It makes me feel.”

_It makes me feel something in this dark pitch of a world that gives me nothing. It makes me feel like I’m someone. That as long as I’m willing to go where others won’t go, to do what others won’t do… I will be valuable. I won’t be poor lost little Johnny never again._

Crowley wanted to know more, but dark thoughts were now casting a shadow over John’s attractive features and Crowley knew better than carry on making him talk about himself. He would lose him. He had to create a diversion.

“What did they look like?”

“Not as beautiful as you are.” John smiled.

Crowley blushed and rolled over, staring now at the ceiling, and shyly, half covering himself with the sheet. John didn’t mention it.

Crowley sighed. John was so charming, and pretty. So mysterious, but so easy to read. So distant and yet so intense… Maybe in other circumstances, in another life….

“I like you, John. But love is not built for three.”

John coughed.

“What do you mean _love_? And… who’d be the third wheel, anyway?”

“He’s… a friend.”

“Demon?”

Crowley sighed once more and rolled back on his stomach to look at John again. His blond hair spiked up in all directions, his brown warm eyes. Exorcist or not, right then and there he looked like a fucking care bear. Crowley knew he could trust John. He just knew it.

“He’s an angel.”

John whistled while finishing his cigarette.

“Nasty business.”

For the hundred time that night, Crowley was impressed because John was not impressed. Because John, being just a human and all, could know and talk about his world with the same ease as breathing.

“You saw it before?”

“Aye.”

Crowley gulped. He had to ask. He had to know.

“Did it… end well?”

And there it was. John Constantine. Exorcist. Demoniologist. Bastard. A nasty piece of work.

He looked at Crowley and for a second wanted to lie to him. Telling him that everything went okay. That Ellie and Tali escaped from everything; from their worlds, from angels and demons trying to kill them, and now live secretly and merrily together in some part of the universe. But then, he wouldn’t have a chance with Crowley. Maybe… if he could make him think of forgetting about that angel…

“Ellie, the demon, is alive but can’t go back to Hell. She barely survives in this world, always hidden like a rat”. John took a deep breath. He was still in time to stop talking. But he didn’t. ”Tali was killed… by other angels. They would never have allowed him to get away.”

Crowley, being already pale, turned even paler and John almost regretted his words. He considered trying to amend the story. But he didn’t. It was what happened, after all. And Crowey had to know it, had he?

“I’m sorry.” He said, nevertheless.

It was the least he could offer. But to be honest, he said those words more for himself than for the demon.

“Don’t be. Can’t say I’m surprised. It’s what I have been trying to prevent from the moment I met him. His safety always comes first.”

There was a short silence and then Crowley felt John sliding down next to him, he felt his arms holding him and allowed himself to relax against his warm body. It was what it was. It was what has always been. He will always love Aziraphale from the distance. It could be worse. At least they were friends. Best friends.

He felt John’s body moving against him, and his own body responding to his warmth. Why not? Another round of amazing sex would drift his mind away from everything else. He searched for John’s lips and kissed him.

John moaned when Crowley’s talented tongue invaded his mouth and once again surrendered to him. He spread his legs, eager to feel him for a second time. He could not know what the future will bring, but right then and there, he was feeling amazing and that was what he was going to hold on to.

……………………………………

“Really have to go?”

It’s been two days of astounding wild sex, and John, still laying down on the messy bed, was observing Crowley getting dressed.

“I have work. Two days of neglecting my duties are too long. And I bet you also have shit to do.”

Crowley winked and John smiled, satisfied. Deeply satisfied. His body was aching, and it was delicious.

“And what kind of work is that?” John stretched out sinfully. “Tormenting souls?”

“Oh, I babysit a young boy.” Crowley answered like nothing.

John looked at him, eyes wide open.

“You what?”

"I babysit a boy.” Repeated Crowley. “And yes, they must be wondering where the nanny is.”

John burst out laughing.

“You don’t stop amazing me.”

Crowley sat back on the bed and leaned on him.

“I can say the same for you.”

They kissed for the last time, and then Crowley put on his sunglasses and walked to the door.

“Take care, John Constantine.”

And he left.

“You too.” John muttered to the air.

Then he lit up a cigarette, fell on his back and gazed the ceiling for a while. It was time to start moving.

First of all, air the room from the smell of smoke and sex. He could take a shower in the meantime. And then back in the streets, to let know the synchronicity wave that he was back and ready to go wherever it leaded to.

He had barely slept for two days, he hadn’t eaten, his body was aching covered in marks and bruises, and his ass… Well, let’s just say that moving through the world in his current state was going to be rather painful.

And hell, he smirked, he was gonna love every minute of it.


End file.
